the thing about now.

Um, I've been away from Blogger (as long as I previously guessed!) so long that the format has changed and left me completely bewildered. Please excuse me while I attempt to blog while simultaneously trying to figure my way around the new layout.

SO.

It has been two months or so, and I'm not sad about that. If you're here hoping for pictures, ah, you may be a bit disappointed! At the beginning of the year, I decided before school started to step away from some of the social media in my life. I really had cut back already on my Facebook time, and was thinking about doing away with it all together. I didn't, but I DID decide to completely let blogging go. It wasn't immediate and it wasn't necessarily easy, but I did give it up. I realized that I was spending too much of my time being preoccupied with what people I didn't know were doing. I was more worried about what they were buying/wearing/crafting than I should have been and after weighing the Facebook vs. Blogging options, I chose the latter. I am, as I have said, not a bit upset with my decision. However, if you have felt slighted because I haven't commented on your blog in about four or five months, then I'm sorry, and that's why. I haven't read any blogs, I haven't commented, I haven't followed. It has been a big relief. And while I'm being honest, I'm very, very glad I didn't shut down my Facebook, but we'll get to why in a little bit. But, if I say I'm glad I stepped away, I'm glad because of what I was able to do, what I was able to focus on and what I subsequently accomplished:

I'm damn proud of that. 

I feel like I've undergone a tremendous change this semester. Now that the semester is over, I feel like I can say that with some confidence. I gained an idol this semester. I haven't ever really said someone was my "idol," because I feel like that's a pretty heavy thing, that term has weight to it for me. I'm not going to call a random actress who dresses well my idol. But now, I have one, someone who has changed who I am as a writer and person in the process. He's amazing. He's one of my professors and because of my interaction with him, I'm planning on applying for graduate school next summer. I mean, come on. This from the girl whose attitude was "just get it done." Now, I want to keep learning, I want him to keep teaching me. He's just the most intelligent person I've ever encountered. The big thing he taught me this semester was about self censorship. He was lecturing on the great creative  non-fiction writers and how they're controversial (see: Thoreau) and say things people don't like to hear. He suggested the reason that so many people are decent writers but not great (if there is natural talent, of course) ones stems from the fact that they're too busy censoring themselves. From that, we discussed how letting that censorship we force on ourselves out of the niceties of society go completely, to free ourselves from the chains we've wrapped around our legs, will allow us to grow as writers. And I've attempted to do just that this semester. My writing has improved. It has changed and grown and become something I didn't really think I was capable of. I cannot begin to say that I've completely let go of my censorship, but I'm trying really hard to continue moving along the path he has set for me, the one I've begun to create for myself, and I'm feeling wonderful about that. It also means that I enjoy my opinion a lot more, which means a lot of people feel the opposite. It is what it is. That is what gives me my identity, that is what allows my writing to move people. And I mean that in the rhetorical sense.

Secondly (thirdly?). This is something completely humbling to me. I began praying about a month or so ago for a friend. Doesn't that sound completely pathetic? I started praying for a particular kind of friend. A very specific kind. I began praying for someone who understood me, who was completely my own and someone who could relate to me a little better. I was feeling alone. My best friends don't live in the Houston area and when I wanted a hug from someone like that, they weren't there. Through no fault of their own, let me say. So I prayed and prayed. I didn't really get a response, so I thought. I was disappointed and frustrated so the night before my final exam, I think I'd finally given up. My prayer was something along the lines of "Alright, I get it. That person's not supposed to be in my life. I'll work on accepting that and stop trying so hard." The next day, I didn't feel better, but resigned. Satisfied, almost. I was in a hotel that day, so after my final, I got breakfast and headed back to my hotel room. I moved slowly but still, they wanted my room back before I was ready (due) to check out. So I cleared out about 11:30 and headed to Target to waste time. I wasted more than I had planned because I was planning on turning in my final paper to the aforementioned brilliant teacher at 12:30. I ran a little late. I had to park further away than I had planned. Things were NOT going my way. I slipped into the classroom with my work (and a thank-you bundt cake!) at around 1. I chatted with the big H-i-m for a little bit and then bade him a happy year off and headed back to my car. As I turned the corner onto University, I ran into a friend. My first friend I made at A&M, when we were both fresh out of high school Aerospace Engineering majors (Yes, I did that for a reason: read, we're both smart). We talked for an hour and a half. Like we hadn't missed a beat (which we certainly had). It was perfect. I had to go up to College Station for a meeting on Thursday last and he met me for lunch and we spent four hours just laughing. It wasn't until a little later that I realized. THERE was the answer to my prayer. I had been expecting a girl, a fellow mom maybe, but someone a little more what I had been used to. Instead, I got just what I had asked for and just what I needed. My friend is someone who understands what it's like to be 26/7 in a classroom full of people born in the 90's, he's someone who understands things like that- things that literally nobody else I know really understands. I'm so relieved and so happy that we've reconnected and that we have such a genuine friendship. I also appreciate that I don't have to watch my Big XII talk, my language or my snark around him. That's nice too. It's helped that I didn't shut down my Facebook, because we've both been aware of what's been going on with the other all along. Oh, the way things work out. The serendipity of it all. I think it's all together, rather poetic and beautiful. Of course, things aren't perfect because his new job (he graduated!) is in Dallas, but I know we'll see each other and talk in between times. I know that with certainty and it's really been nice. It's also not a friendship I expect most people to really understand or relate to: I've always gotten along better with boys than girls, but I also don't feel the need to justify or explain myself. Which just makes it a lot better. Also? I know my spouse would like him a lot, which just makes it even better. Thank God for supportive husbands and old friends.

Things are remarkable right now. I'm really happy, I'm very content and feeling fulfilled by what I've accomplished this semester. I'm looking forward to school starting back for me on the 29th. I've been bored since the semester ended, I don't really know what to do with myself when I'm not working. I've also got my symposium on the horizon and a 3rd birthday party to plan. I also plan on wiggling in a getaway for myself to Dallas to see some of my most beloved friends before the fall semester starts at the end of August, as well as a trip to see family and introduce Liam to his only remaining "set" of Great Grandparents. What more do you need? I'm thrilled, excited, in a really, really good place. 2012 is definitely turning into the year for me. I can only hope it keeps up this pace, I'm absolutely high on life right now!

checking in.

Well, my hiatus from blogging lasted a lot longer than I had initially thought.

There have been big, big, BIG changes for our family since I last sat at my computer to share anything with you all. Quickly, here are a few things that have kept us on our toes:

• Z changed jobs at Christmastime! 
• I started school!
• L has transitioned from mommy 24/7 to his grandmothers twice a week. 
• Stig is over 6 months old and about 65 pounds if I'd wager a guess.
• We've all battled a sickness I brought home.
• My dad's been away multiple times for many weeks on end. 
• My FIL suffered a new injury and is still undergoing chemotherapy.
• Z joined handbells at Church & started Bible study
• LENT: we've given up ALL fast-food and started exercising daily.

In addition, there have been a multitude of other "that's just life" occurrences that have kept us occupied over the last three months.

------------------------------------------

In all honesty, I am not sure I will ever enter back into blogging the way I had before. I really did enjoy my time away, and I liked not having to worry about taking pictures of things because I had to blog them. Lightening up in that way has really allowed me to enjoy myself, put myself in the moment, and let things happen without my being so worried about posing and capturing this and that. Having said that, I never upload the pictures from my camera to my computer anymore, and I still haven't loaded all the Christmas ones. I might not have even picked up my camera in over two and a half months.

------------------------------------------

As far as everything else goes?

Yes, Z is very happy in his new job. He is working with three other veterinarians at a high volume clinic that keeps him busy. His boss is an absolute dream and I have threatened on more than one occasion to kiss her on the mouth when we meet for the first time. Z misses some of his friends from the old clinic, but this move has really been for the best. He is a dedicated, enthusiastic practitioner and I'm happy to see him in a clinic where he feels that he is being put to the best use. We're all thankful for his new job and his great reputation in the vet community that allowed the move to be quick and easy. 

L has transitioned well into his new day-care style routine. He stays with my mom on Tuesdays and my MIL on Thursdays. We are a very blessed family in that we all truly love one another. I share news with my in-laws as quickly as I share it with my parents and I cannot even begin to gush enough about what a great treat it is to have all four of our parents so involved in our son's life. He loves, loves his grandparents and even is building a relationship with Z's grandmother that makes me so happy. Grandmother Dorothy is the sweetest woman on the planet and she truly adores her great-grandsons. We're glad L is able to have a relationship with her. 

-- as far as changes in my toddler: we're about to start potty training. I believe his involvement at school has been instrumental as he is now much more conscious of the "pee-pee potty" concept. He also is becoming more adept with the English language, we've found he doesn't really attempt words unless he can pronounce them adequately and enjoys putting sentences together. He is constantly asking to go to "Nanny and Papa's house" and he tells us with almost a timed precision that he "loves choo-choo trains." We're all very proud of him, he's showing great signs and his great-grandmother on my side and his grandmother, both highly educated educators (yes, dissect that sentence), are very impressed by his ability to recite the alphabet without having to sing it. I don't really know what this indicates, but I'm proud of the little guy. 

Now. To be utterly selfish, onto myself! I had major reservations about going back to college. I wasn't very excited when the start date drew near, but after two weeks I was completely enamored. I'm currently "on" Spring Break and even confessed to my mother yesterday that I really would rather go to class next week than take the time off. I hope it doesn't come across as haughty when I say I'm succeeding beyond my wildest expectations and am so extraordinarily happy with the feedback I'm getting. The former department head, a very renowned rhetorician, my current Rhetorical Theory professor, has completely changed the way I think and look at things when I'm writing and I can feel myself growing as a writer. My Caribbean Literature Senior Seminar professor, a founding co-editor of a renowned Caribbean literature publication, has encouraged me to look into Graduate studies and has invited me to take part in a Caribbean Literature Symposium this summer. This is a tremendous honor for an undergraduate student and I am thrilled to be a part of it. I am also taking Arthurian Literature and my professor in there is so intelligent, so learned in her field that it's almost scary. I have learned more in this semester than I feel I ever have before. 

In addition to learning about "Book A" and "Journal Article 3894," I have learned so much about myself these past few months. My Caribbean class in particular is very involved with understanding self-acceptance, self validation, interior versus exterior affirmation and the importance of self versus community and discussing these topics, dissecting them, has allowed me to really scrutinize myself. When I said in December I wasn't happy with my blog, I think the larger issue at hand was I wasn't happy within my own skin. I've made some pretty drastic changes, removed some lamentable entities from my life and am coming down much happier in the end. Knowing that I have the respect of my professors and my peers has really made me understand what I want to work for and where I need to be to be happy. Having said that, I'm very lucky to have a handful of very good, understating and patient friends who have been tremendously supportive and have celebrated my successes with me these past few months, making me feel like my decisions I've made recently have been absolutely on point. It's nice to know that whatever casualties there are in my personal life along the way, I have the support of my family and a few very precious friends who will still be there when I'm where I want to be.

------------------------------------------

Well, that is really all I want to say for now. I find that I don't enjoy sitting down to write about "us" and "me" very much. This used to be my one space where I was sharing my writing publicly, but now that I have professors reading my work multiple times a week, I find that to be enough to satiate my need to have my writing "out there." As a matter of fact, while my toddler is occupied with my iPhone, I think I'll indulge a little and work on a couple of papers and reading assignments I have over break. I don't know what has changed for me, maybe it's maturity, maybe it's a drive to set an example for my son that I can be proud of, but I'm definitely a much better student now than I was before. I WANT to read, I WANT to do my work and I want to be in class every single day. It's really remarkable. And to be frank? I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of L and I'm proud of Z. 2012 has turned out to be the year that our family betters itself and I'm really looking forward to what the rest of the year has to offer. 

I'll check back in... but I can't promise it'll be before school lets out in May. Priorities and all that. Maybe next time, I'll even post pictures! If you're interested in the meantime, I do tweet with disgusting regularity. I even post pictures so you can see just how much my toddler has changed, or catch a glimpse of my new life as old-lady college student. You can find me HERE. 

for us.

So.

I've been unhappy with my blog for a while.

I tried to instigate some changes back at the beginning of the summer to garner more interest in my webpage, and to keep myself interested in blogging. BUT.

BIG BUT.

I don't care. I mean, I don't want to do features. I really don't. So you can all pretty much assume that Pinnable Me is gone unless I bring it back on occasion to share things I'm working on. I don't want to be a blog that has no identity. I started this blog to keep my family updated on our family and that's the long and short of it. I don't want to blog about shit other people are finding on the internet, or about how mean people are to other people, or things I think you should be doing. I want to post about my family.

And I didn't realize how little I'd posted about my family until I came across the 3 Peanuts blog. I am completely in love with this blog. The mom, Kim, is just simply an amazing mother. She doesn't post about what SHE does to make everything so wonderful FOR her children, she posts about how amazing her children are. And you can tell, her children are wonderful, amazing, giving, loving people because of who she and her husband are and how they're being raised. THIS is the standard I want to live up to. This is a beautiful blog, full of memories and beautiful pictures, a family that shares love and laughter and you can tell in every single thing she posts. Also, if ever there was a child that makes me want to adopt, it's their precious girl, Kate.


SO.

I'm taking some time off. I'm going to focus on what I want to focus on in the future. And if you want to unfollow, I'm fine with that. Because when I look back at my posts this summer, I'm disgusted. I don't want to post about that. I completely missed out on blogging about the things I did with my child this summer, the fun backyard things we did, the games we played. I was trying too hard to make people want to read my blog.  I don't want to be a turbo-mommy blogger. I'm not that person. I don't need to show you how hard I try, or how wonderful I am, because what will define me in the future is not ME, it's the impression I leave on my child, the people I love, my nearest and dearest friends.

And for right now, I'm really okay with this decision. Blogging has become something that I see as a task, not as enjoyable hobby. We've got an awful lot on our plates right now. And when I say an awful lot, I mean an AWFUL lot. Which, when the time comes, will all be talked about. But right now, I just want to step away and spend the rest of December not blogging. I hope to be back with a vengeance in January, revived, and with a whole new direction for myself and this blog.

Peace out, peeps. Enjoy the holidays. Love your family. Bid 2011 farewell in whatever manner it deserves.  Personally, I'm thinking a big double-bird in the rearview mirror. More than anything, I hope to see you in 2012.

my sahm syndrome

I'm in my last days as a StayAtHomeMom. I say this because come January, I'll be enrolled as a student at the most wonderful University on the planet. So my days are going to be busier, my Tuesdays and Thursdays (and possibly Mondays) are going to be spent in a city an hour and a half away from home.

Part of me is terrified. I know on Tuesdays Liam will have his daddy to take care of him, and on Thursdays he'll have my mom, but it still makes me nervous to be so far away from him with that much regularity. What if he's sick and needs me? What if something happens at school and I'm not able to be reached immediately? I've always had a hard time not being with Liam at all times. I was extremely possessive of him as a newborn and when anyone else would hold him and he'd cry I'd get agitated to the point where my heart would race, my palms would sweat and I could feel a panic attack coming on. It wasn't pretty, but I needed my baby and he needed me. Things have since gotten better, obviously, because Liam is becoming so much more independent, but it still makes me a little panicky to think that I'm going to be busy with something that'll take my attention away from him to such an extent.

Part of what troubles me is that I have friends who don't have children, who have jobs, and they can't see where I'm going to be busy, where going back to school is going to add any stress to my life. I had one friend ask me why it's taken me so long to get much accomplished with my current writing project since I "don't work and don't have anything to do all day." Not only does that attitude make me stabby, but I think it's a little... inconsiderate? I mean, sure with two incomes coming into a household, you can afford a new car, or a maid, or a yard service. With one income and an immense amount of student loans? I AM the maid. I AM the cook. I AM everything. And I don't mind. I don't need a maid, my mom never did, why should I (not going to lie, I'll probably be begging for a maid come February when I'm elbows deep in reading and writing assignments with housework also on my to-do list)? But contrary to what a lot of people seem to think about a SAHM, it isn't just sitting around all day.

I don't need to tell most of you that, and I'm sure a lot of you have faced similar attitudes, but I resent the attitude that SAHMs stay at home because they're lazy and don't want to work. It's an uninformed opinion, and anyone who's stayed home with a child knows that, but I don't like the judgement that comes from it. Part of what irritates me is when I tell people I'm going back to school, people immediately ask me what job I'm going to try and get with my degree when I'm done. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Or what I want to do. I don't think, unless something amazing comes along, that I'll pursue anything until Liam is in school 5 days a week. I don't want him in daycare. I want him in preschool and at home. In the grand scheme of things, the time you have with your child where they're NOT busy all the time is very short, and to me, I think it's very precious, so I want to be with him.

I feel a little off topic. The change that's coming OH SO SHORTLY has me a little intimidated as well. I have really enjoyed my time with Liam. I enjoy picking him up from school. And I'm getting down to only a couple more days left of doing that. I mean, we've got this week of school, none next week, and a couple of weeks in December. Then? I'm done. I won't take him. I won't pick him up. I won't have anyone to talk to in the car. Maybe I'm hormonal, because on any given day when people ask me what I'm most looking forward to about going back to school, I quickly reply with "the drive, I can't wait to drive in my car, by myself, with my music as loud as I want it, playing whatever I want." I know. You're judging me. But At the same time, I'm pretty sure once April rolls around, I'll be way over that.

To cut a long story short, and I could go on if you wish, I'm sad to see my every-days at home with Liam coming to an end. I'm a mommy who drops everything if her child comes up and wants to be held, or climbs into my lap for a cuddle. But, I am also thinking that my Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at home with Liam will be all the more enjoyable.

I'm not only giving up days with my son to go back to school, I'm giving up my day with my spouse. His Tuesdays off are a treat. We go out to lunch as a family a lot, we grocery shop together... I won't be here. And that kind of sucks. But. The SOONER I'm done, the SOONER I'm back with my family 24/7. So bring it on, Department of English at  the College of Liberal Arts at Texas A&M University. I'm ready.

And you better know, the epic pictures I'm going to post when I graduate will make you want to punch me in the face. You've been warned. Because Liam will be looking spiffy!

the child in me.

I was watching "Funny As Hell" on BBC the other day (night/early morning. whatever) and one of the comedians said something that struck a major chord with me:

"I realized that who you are as a child is who you always are. We get older and we smooth away the edges and make ourselves more palatable to society, but that's who you are."

- Roisin Conaty 

Isn't that... just... yeah? The instant she said it, it really spoke to me. And of course, she turned this complete, honest truth into a funny story about how she was a creepy kid and it comes back as an adult, but truly, this statement made me feel better.

Because I feel like I've been trying hard to be more than I am? Or rather, something I'm not? It makes me feel better, almost makes me feel validated, to hear these thoughts from someone else's lips.

So, if I'm going there, let's be brutally and completely honest. THIS is me:

• I'm a nerd.
• I'm a bookworm.
• I am a goody-goody.
• I am an old soul.
• I am stubborn.
• I am combative.
• I have a massive temper.
• I am not very patient.
• I'm a bit of a prude.
• I'm nice to the point where I'm a doormat. 
• I worry.
• I like being liked. It truly bothers me when people don't like me. 
• I don't want to be "popular."
• I don't like people who play games.
• I don't like people who talk behind my back.
• I abhor people who put words in my mouth.
• I enjoy proving people wrong.
• I like to be the best at *something.*
• I like being a little weird. 
• I enjoy it when people find things about me strange.
• I want to be different.
• I am hyper competitive. 
• I pick a few good friends and don't pursue a lot of casual relationships.
• I get along better with boys than girls.
• I am painfully shy.
• I am an introvert. 
• I bottle things up and don't like to share.
• I tend to explode when I've been pushed too far. 

Writing those things down? Makes ME feel BETTER about ME. Because this is who I was as a child, and this is who I still am. Maybe I've developed a better grip on my temper (my husband is shaking his head, the poor man), and maybe my tendency to explode on people has become less likely, but it's all still there. All these things, every one of them, is still below the surface, whether or not you've seen it. 

What's more, some of these things aren't necessarily "good" traits. My shyness can be a huge problem. I will avoid situations where I don't know everyone because I'm so shy. I'm not self conscious, because I am pretty comfortable with who I am, but I AM shy. I will sit silently at a lunch table with my friends and let them share beyond what I'm comfortable with myself. 

Somehow, in some way, knowing that this is who I am makes me feel better. I'm not going to change. I don't want to change. I don't suddenly want to be someone I don't know, and I want to stop acting like I am. I want to look in the mirror and see ME. I want to see my temper, I want to see my tomboyish nature, I want to see the bookworm, the prude, the goody-goody. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm ready to embrace ME 100%, and if someone doesn't like it, doesn't like me being wholly myself, then that's fine. I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have been friends as kids, anyway. 

Why? Because.

I love me. I love who I am. My husband loves me. My best friends love me. My family loves me. And that? 

THAT is ENOUGH.

i'm just saying...

Sorry guys.

No Pinnable Me today.



I just cannot get into the spirit of it this morning. We got some bad news from my FIL's doctors yesterday and so it looks like he's not done with his already-long cancer journey. He's been fighting cancer for 4 years already, and we were all hoping our prayers had been answered the last time around. Obviously, this is a disappointment. Roger is such a good guy, so happy and loving and fun, it's really hard to see him down and out due to the treatments.

I have not been a great success at not letting my worry over Roger affect my attitude. I've been very short tempered and harsh tongued. My patience has been severely lacking. And that's not ALL because of Roger, but it's a great contributing factor. I can honestly say, and I think my poor hubs can agree, that August and September have not been terribly kind to us. We've both been about as stressed out as can be.

I also must own to not being very forgiving of others flaws lately. Again, all attributed to what I discussed above. I have had absolutely no patience for people, in general. Luckily, I have a few very sweet, good girlfriends who have been more than patient with me, and I have a great spouse who's been understanding and forgiving. Have I burned a few bridges lately? Apparently. I wish that people weren't so quick to judge. Regardless.

Moving on. I'm just a little on the outs, and I'm gonna take a day today not to stress about a blog post. Sound okay? Great!





And thanks so much for the puppy love. He's adorable and I cannot wait to see him!

my broken toe

 I'm going to warn you. 

You might find this nasty.

My BFF won't find this surprising because I think I've showed him every "awesome" bruise I've had since we've been friends. The poor guy. 

About a month and a half ago, I was trying to pull something out of my MIL's car while it was parked in front of their house and I slipped off the curb. My big toe turned under my foot and all my weight came down on it. 

Needless to say, ouch and the result was a broken toe. And not like "oh, I think I broke my toe!" Straight up, broken. 

After a few days, the bruising showed up... 

and it got worse.... 

 and worse... 

 and worse.

I couldn't even capture it all in photos, the brownish bruising just looked more like tanned skin, and as flexible as I am, I couldn't figure out how to photograph the bottom of my foot with the bruising there. 

EPIC Stefanie moment. 

Somewhere, right now, my BFF is laughing his arse off. 

Why did I tell/SHOW you all this?

Because. 

It put me off my game. 

I had to stop working out. And I had been faithful at least 5 times a week since the start of Lent. This put a complete stop to everything I was doing because WHAT I was doing put a lot of pressure on my toe and required a lot of bending and moving of the feet. Obviously.

Now, I can walk without a limp. My toe can bend.

I have a permanent bump (that I can see) on the side of my foot, and bending my toe further than what's required for walking can still hurt a little bit. It also makes grinding sounds. I know. SO gross.

BUT.

I am making an attempt this week to get back into my exercising. 

Because next summer? 

We're having a pool party for Liam's birthday.

And the LAST thing I want is to hate every photo of me from something like that.

And so, it begins.

Again.

oh, those five.

I'm going to warn you now.

This is just silliness.

But fun silliness and I've gotten multiple questions, so I'm gonna post it.

ALSO, if you've got no shame like me, and you, READER, want to, I will post a McLinky tool and you can link back here so we can all post together. It's fun.

The FREEBIE FIVE.

The five people your partner couldn't begrudge you a "fling" with. 

The get-out-of-gaol-free pass. 

We all have them. You may not have five. You may have two. You may have eight. 

What's funny is when you actually LOOK at your five, you'll find you have a definite type. I knew Zach's five and when I started putting this post together, I didn't really think there was a definite trend between either of our fives.

Oh boy, is there!

(we also have a plus one. the person that would jump into the five should somebody do something heinous. or... just a plus one.)

So, let's start with Zach's.

Zach's five is sadly, NOT in order. 

I don't know the exact order, but I know that Gina Carano and Kate Beckinsale are in the top spots. Maybe tied for first. Depending on the day. 

Top Row: Kate Beckinsale, Mila Kunis, Milla Jovovich.

Middle Row: Natalie Portman, Gina Carano

+1: Katy Perry

 ----- + 1 -----

My five IS in order. 

I watched The Hangover and thought that perhaps BC had jumped Michael Fassbender. But then after seeing X-Men, I'm positive MF is in the right place.

Also, this wasn't as easy for me to put together. I knew MF, BC, JB and JGL were in the right place but couldn't decide whether or not to flip flop RR and JG. In the end, RR in Van Wilder has been in my heart a lot longer than JG in Prince of Persia ;) 

Top Row: Michael Fassbender, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds

Middle Row: Justin Bartha, Joseph Gordon Levitt

+1: Jake Gyllenhaal

----- + 1 -----

Ugh. FUN.

And so pretty.

See?

 Zach likes dark haired, dark eyed, exotic looking ladies.

I like dark haired, light eyed men who can play badarses and dorks. Awesome.

(though, I've never seen MF be a dork.)


WHO MAKES IT INTO YOUR FIVE??

{Image Sources: KB, MK, MJ, NP, GC, KP, MF, JGL, JB, JG, BC, RR}

ch-ch-ch-changes

... not BAD changes.

Just... move-the-blog-along changes.

Because I'm bored. 

I'm bored with writing once a week (ahem, if I'm being good) about random nothings that we do. Might have done. Thought about doing. 

Or random crap I wish we had the moolah to buy.

Because obviously, judging by the SERIOUS LACK of comments, you're all as bored with me as I am. 

SO.

I'm implementing a few weekly, monthly features. BUT.

I want your opinions.

I have admitted to myself (and my husband along with me) that I (read: we) are serious cinephiles. 

So I'm going to post after every new movie we see. I'm going to TRY to post after every new movie we see. And I mean in the theatre and rented. 

Or on HBO.

{think: Cinephile Says...}

You get the idea. So far this summer, I could post about Thor, the new Pirates, and Priest. Oh, and then some. Seriously, big ole cinephiles over here.

Like, Michael Bolton-type shizz.

In addition to that, here are a few of the other features I'm contemplating:

** Toddler Tuesdays: because one weekly post on L's activities will be better for *all* of us.

** On My {Digital} Bookshelf: an update about my current reads. I'm thinking once or twice monthly on this one. I think it could be fun to keep track of my progress with reading this year. 

** Nailed It: I am NOT about to turn this into a nail polish blog, but I do indulge and paint my nails ALL the time. It might be fun to post when I try a new color?

** Pinnable Me: ONCE weekly post featuring my favorite pin by me and one favorite pin from a friend on Pinterest. Keeping each week's post to TWO only. 

** Edible Wrap-Up: An end of week post featuring our favorite meal from the week.

That's what I'm thinking about right now. 

Of course, I will sprinkle in posts that are unrelated to any of those mentioned above. When those posts are warranted. 

I will continue to throw in the posts about stuff I'm lusting after, crap we're up to, home improvement, but I feel like the blog is in the doldrums.

I can't just post when we've done something EXCITING! YAY! or when I've completed a project. 

... because that's clearly NOT keeping you all entertained. 

Also, if I don't remember, someone remind me to add a survey so y'all can vote on features you'd want to read. Or not. Whatever.

Fair warning: if you don't let me know what you are/are not interested in, I'm gonna go with my instinct and that may not be on point.

can you answer my questions?

(it's my 400th post. yay.)

Can y'all answer my questions? 

For real.

Cory- #1 is kinda your arena... and oh, so's #2. Oops.

1. Water when working out. Is it better to drink room temperature water, tap cold or ice water? I've heard ice water burns more calories because your body has to warm it up to process it, which would make me think ice, but then maybe since you're already burning calories, your body just needs the quick hydration, not the extra warming-up step? HELP! 
2. Working out again. Are reverse crunches (i.e. lying on your back, using your stomach muscles to pull your knees into your chest) really more effective than traditional crunches? They sure do hurt more... 
3. Can anyone recommend a good yoga DVD that doesn't involve that Bethenney chick? I don't care for her (obviously, I can't remember how to spell her name). 
4. I have lots of wedding/engagement showers and parties on the horizon. Is it EVER acceptable to wear white to one of these functions if you're not the bride? If you WERE the bride and a girl showed up in white, would you be angry? Similar vein: black? 
5. Lululemon. Worth the BIG money?? That much better than Gap? I like to work out/walk in cropped leggings and am very picky.
6. White jeans. What is the most flattering cut? I don't want to add extra bulk, so I think skinny. I tried the jeggings at Gap and wanted to kill myself. I don't want "trouser" because that's a lot of fabric for summer. Boot cut- still a lot of fabric? 
7. Consumer problem. I bought a shirt from STORE. I tried it on, it fit, discarded receipt. The first time I wore it was to help my mom at her garage sale. Suddenly, black stains on both shoulders and the front showed up, and they won't come out in the wash. I tried soaking shirt to loosen stains, but all that loosened was the dye. My water turned turquoise. Would you call STORE to complain, keeping in mind that the running dye ruined a $40 pair of pants (also from STORE)?
8. Do you send a wedding present to a family member, even if you weren't invited to the wedding? 
9. How many times would you try contacting someone (who used to be very important to you) before you gave up, even if your attempts weren't regular?

Methinks that's all for right now.

Any honest answer would be greatly appreciated.  

Can I just aside really quick?

Thanks, you don't get a say.

TODAY my wonderful FIL is getting unhooked from his chemotherapy pump for what we are hoping and praying is the last time. He has been on his cancer journey for 3 and 1/2 years. He has had multiple different sets of chemo, each containing at least 8 rounds, I believe. He's had multiple radiation treatments, multiple surgeries. 

And yet, he has remained a positive, happy man who continues to enjoy life and help those around him even when his body doesn't feel like it can. 

We're all so happy, so pleased, so thrilled that he might have finally reached the end of this ordeal, so please, send up a prayer for him today. Let this be his last treatment. Let his cancer be in remission. Let him get his port removed. Let him get healthy, be able to taste his food, feel his fingers and toes and be able to enjoy a margarita. Amen ;)

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brain dump for a busy few days

• Yesterday was looooooong. I got up at 6 and didn't crawl into bed until around 2:45. I'm still grumpy/tired. No, not the best idea. 
• I was up late because I was working on a painting. I don't know where I'm going to hang it, or how I'm going to frame it, but I'm fairly pleased with the way it came out. I'd have preferred the colors to be a little more muted, a little more dank, but I also didn't want to wash the whole thing with a lot of Payne's Grey and end up with a hot mess. Cause I could have. I am hoping it's giving off a kind of "once upon a midnight dreary.." vibe. I wish y'all could see the iridescent medium I applied over the moon. Love it.
• Liam is being picked up by my mom tomorrow and they're going to take her puppy to Zach the Vet. Since we don't *ahem* GO to the Vet, it'll be interesting to see how Liam likes going to see his daddy at work. 
• Mom's taking Liam because I want to clean. I cannot, can NOT clean my house thoroughly enough for my taste while Liam is home. I have to have him out of the house so I can focus completely on what I'm doing and not have to have one ear and eye on Liam at all times. 
• When i clean, I turn off the TV, open all the windows and listen to music very, very, very loudly. It keeps me moving quickly and keeps my spirits up. I put my CDs in the Blu-Ray player and let them play on the surround sound. I also get out the iPod & dock from Liam's room. Tomorrow, I think it's going to be Audioslave, Queen of the Damned and The Essential Michael Jackson-- skipping the Jackson 5 stuff, though. Believe me, when nobody's around, I can belt out Smooth Criminal and P.Y.T. like nobody's business. 

• I'm also thinking about letting Mom take Liam to work with her on Tuesday morning. Zach and I need to get outside and do yard work. Like now. We've got massive weeds and they need to not be in my yard anymore. Getting Liam out of the house will allow us to get outside and get work done without worrying about where he is or what he's doing.
• We're in "make the house presentable" mode because our friend Ryan is coming over for dinner on Tuesday. I'm excited. We got to be friends our senior year of high school. We were lab partners in physics and did a lot of traveling with the band. When he came to A&M for grad school, it was lots of fun to have him around. (Ryan's modeling the CD below)... BONUS points to anyone who knows where the photo was taken, too. 

• Zach's cooking Tuesday night. I love showing off my husband's cooking skills. He's trying to decide if he wants to grill steaks or shrimp or if he wants to do his homemade chicken piccata. I'm leaving the menu up to him. I should throw dinner parties and just let him do the cooking/planning. I'll just clean and make pretty. Yes.
• I'm still trying to settle on dessert. I can't decide. I won't make Oreo Ice Cream Dessert for anyone but the Cory. You just gotta hope you can grab a slice when he's in town some time.
• WITH THAT. Zach has retreated into the bathroom for his old fashioned razor date and I'm going to hoof it into the baby's playroom for a workout. I skipped ONE day and I'm feeling like a fat, lazy slob. Lord have mercy, can you believe that came out of my mouth!?

golden globes: best and worst

I had TOO much fun last night watching the Red Carpet coverage and the Golden Globes while trading jabs with my friends.

SO.

MUCH.

FUN.

I can't wait to do it again at the end of February.

(I'm secretly hoping hubs will drink too much and add color commentary to the show)

Anyway, nobody cares too much about what I thought of the show itself- I will say I loved Ricky Gervais, I thought he was very funny, if you knew ahead of time what you were getting.

Ricky is Ricky- he's going to go as far as he can and then *that* much more.

Moving on.

TO the FASHION.

AND I am going to cover the MEN. 

Because nobody gives the guys enough due. 

My picks for BEST DRESSED HER & HIM:

Amy Adams was BE-A-UTIFUL. I couldn't get over it. She's such a stunning woman and I love that she's not everywhere you look in a bikini (*cough* jenn aniston *cough). She is one of my 2 favorite actresses and I just think she was perfection last night. I'd kill for her complexion and hair color. 

Joseph Gordon-Levitt was my pick for best dressed male because he just cleans up so well, and he can WEAR the HECK out of a suit. And we all know I love a good bow tie. He looked dapper, he was dashing and I love his hitRECord red dot pin. Saying something without being obnoxious. 

Honorable Mentions: Emma Stone & RDJ.

My picks for WORST DRESSED HER & HIM:

Halle Berry was a hot mess. Joan Rivers just said "If you were sitting in the front row, you could see Catwoman's kitty." Yes, yesyesyes. Halle looked like a hooker. It was all wrong.

Christian Bale was my choice for worst dressed man. There were a lot of guys who got it wrong, and I had a hard time deciding between him and Matt Damon (go back and look- his suit looks horrible). I thought CB's pants were too baggy, I don't care for the black on black on black and I really don't like the hair. There are no excuses for looking this cheap when you're as rich and famous as he is. 

Honorable Mentions: Michelle Williams & Matt Damon.

honorable horrible mentions:

Bieber. His suit was horrible. I get he's like, 12, but somebody should have told him NO.

Hayden actually wasn't at the ceremony itself but went to the after parties (awww, poorgirlcantact). Um, excuse me, I mean HAYDEN'S PASTIES went to the after parties. Cause nobody was looking at anything else. Nasty.

Also, you'll find my post DEVOID of any Helena Bonham Carter pictures because we ALL know what she looked like. But I'm not even going to put her on my worst dressed list because I wish I had the balls that lady has. And to be honest, I thought the dress fit her well. She's just so amazing, I love that she doesn't think anything of going on the carpet with her Bellatrix hair and mismatched shoes. BALLS. 

I love her.

Those were my picks. Hopefully more than 4 people will step it the heck up for the Oscars. I wasn't really feeling a LOT of what went on last night.

Image Sources: {amyadams, josephgordonlevitt, halleberry, christianbale, justinbieber, haydenp}

we've been chillin'

I have come to realize that without my motivation to blog every day, I lapse really badly.

I shouldn't go as long as I have done without posting, and am trying to work out ways to stimulate myself into posting more often than I do. But that's another topic for another post on another day.

Currently, I must tell you, that we've been holed up in our house, refusing to even budge outdoors unless it's absolutely necessary. The cold front that pushed into Houston last weekend left behind frigid temperatures, damp, cold wind and general dreariness. It's something I'm really very accustomed to, and I'm quite good at dealing with it myself, but I'm not a fan of bringing Liam out into it. Truthfully, part of my issue with bundling baby up is that I think it is a complete waste of money to purchase heavy coats for him when he might -- MIGHT -- wear it a dozen times before he's outgrown it. I therefore resort to layering, and up until a few days ago, Liam's closet was running thin on good things to layer. But, we did venture out a few times, and I must say, Liam did very well with his hat and mittens. I also think being at home has helped both of us escape he nasty winter colds that are going around.

Honestly, the cold also makes me lonely for Norway. I find myself missing the overly sweet packaged pancakes we used to buy at the grocery store, the smell of the butcher shop we'd walk to on weekends, the big 'c' shaped door handles on the main doors at ISS, the smell of the track after it'd snowed, the dampness under the tree line that bordered the playground... ah. Forgive me a single tear of despondency that I have not seen my second home in 15 years. So when the weather is cold and damp, and reminds me so much of Norway, it's kind of a bummer to me that when I walk out my front door, I'm still in Texas. Fanciful, I know.

Moroseness aside, the cool weather has kept me being productive at home. I've taken down, organized and packed away all the Christmas decorations (I don't LIKE taking them down). I've reorganized all the decor we usually have out. I've tackled stacks of laundry- and put them away. I've reorganized parts of my closet. I've been reading (again). I've been writing some, but not compositions, more technical. I've tried to put my thoughts on Gruen's Water for Elephants onto paper (proverbially) but I'm coming up with difficulties because I want to tackle every single aspect of the novel and I just don't have the capacity to do it in a blog post. Surely, I could write the most epic of epic blog posts all about every single question that was raised, theme that I explored, writing device I enjoyed... but I think I'd be the only one who would read it and I do believe I'd make some of you like the book a whole lot less. AND I don't want to say anything about the novel because the Blush & Bashful Book Club is reading it next month. Don't want to ruin anything. Only, I will say this:

I'm no mathematician, but when Marlena says she married August at 17, and had learned a lot about dealing with him in their 4 year marriage... HOW does that a Reese Witherspoon make?

By my calculations, she is no where NEAR her 30's. Um, she's barely 20.

Hollywood, you crazy kids, making things way creepier than they need to be. 

Okay, horrible casting aside (yes, I know, she's cute and funny and blah blah blah but NOT what I saw when I read the story), I've started King Solomon's Mines and am thoroughly enjoying it. I'm trying not to chew through it as quickly as I've done with the other 4 books I've read this month so that I don't get burned out. I've still got a stack of novels on my Kindle to read this year including, but not limited to:

• The War of the Worlds
• The Island of Doctor Moreau
• Cranford
• Jane Eyre
• The Phantom of the Opera
• Les Liaisons dangereuses
• The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood
• Around the World in 80 Days
• The Mists of Avalon
• The Strain
• Dead Witch Walking
• Lady Chatterley's Lover
• The Magicians and Mrs. Quent
• Doctor Who: The Many Hands
• Doctor Who: The Clockwise Man

But that is not for today! In fact, I have already told Zach I plan on watching the red carpet on E! tonight, then the Golden Globes and he gets to deal. He won't mind, really. We both are huge fans of Ricky Gervais. I'm rooting hard for Emma Stone (even though I know everyone's already told me that Anne Hathaway will win- BOO!) and Romola Garai. Oh, and duh, of course Johnny Depp. Can't wait. I'm not a sucker for much on TV, but I'm a BIG sucker for awards shows! Just hoping NEXT year, they'll get their business together and nominate Nathan Fillion & Castle (Browncoats, mobilize!). Just sayin'.

Have a warm & cozy Sunday night!

Image credits: {snow@night, stavanger}

my dear readers: an open letter

My dear readers,

     It's a new year. Everyone's talking about starting over. New beginnings. Fresh starts. You know, the same old thing everyone spouts about for the first few weeks in January. Well, around here, things are going to stay pretty much the same. I'm going to keep my blog address.  I'm going to keep posting. I'm going to keep making you all sick with redundantly cute pictures of my child, while complaining rather stupidly that he's growing up too fast. However, I am considering making one *teensy* change.

I'm considering going back to being public.

     I hate my blog being private. I feel neutered. I feel censored. I feel like there are people who could be potential friends that I'm missing out on simply because they can't really approach me. Not that I've had people beating down my doors to be friends with me. In fact, I think if anything I'd say it's almost the opposite. I have had more people complain about my blog content than praise me for it, I've had more people start to dislike me because of it, rather than like me. But regardless of this, I still am considering going back to being accessible to my friends and the general public.

     Saying this, though, I have to tell you all right now: If I start seeing the IP Address from the offending woman popping up again, I will start to consider going private again. If I get another comment, or if my in-laws pick up on weirdness at church, I'll go private again faster than you can say "crazy person." However, if this happens, I won't need to ask you all for email addresses again. The addresses that have been accepted to this blog, and saved, are in the "allowed reader" list now, will be there in case of an emergency. If that's okay with you all. Obviously, if I have to go private again, I will not be making an announcement, I'll just do it and you'll find out if and when the time comes. Nothing is more important than the safety of my husband and child, and if I'm feeling my family being threatened, I'll swallow my pride and do the deed again.

     I want you all to know that I appreciate your continued interest in my blog. I am glad that this small space of the internet has allowed me to continue friendships, create new ones and build stronger ones. And when I say that I appreciate every single one of the people who read- who accepted invitations to read- I really and truly do mean it. ALL of you- and yes, you know exactly who you are that I'm talking to. At some point or another, you have all made an impact on my life. Whether it was being friendly in Senior English, befriending me in a random college class, becoming my best friend after a random night in a tiny dorm room playing dominoes, supporting me when I was upset, helping me on my wedding day, guiding me through my first months of motherhood, or simply letting me know you are interested enough in a stranger's musings to want to continue reading, you've all left a lasting impression on me. And I thank you for it. Really, honestly and truly.

     And with that, I believe my sentimentality for the evening has reached its maximum point and therefore, it's time to wrap up. I must warn you, my daily posting will not be making a comeback any time soon, but I've numerous "new years" posts to finish, and Christmas Day and Boxing Day to cover. I'm fighting with repeating myself over and over again, so after some editing, I'll get those out for you.

     I wish all of you joy, love, success and contentment in the new year. I hope you all find something to entertain you here, and that you continue to want to follow along with our little family. I know we're not the most stimulating bunch, I know we're pretty basic, un-fussy people, but I hope if anything you find us to be genuinely happy and very much in love with one another. What more could any family want?

     All my love,

                 Stefanie

{image sources: 1, 2}