the thing about now.

Um, I've been away from Blogger (as long as I previously guessed!) so long that the format has changed and left me completely bewildered. Please excuse me while I attempt to blog while simultaneously trying to figure my way around the new layout.

SO.

It has been two months or so, and I'm not sad about that. If you're here hoping for pictures, ah, you may be a bit disappointed! At the beginning of the year, I decided before school started to step away from some of the social media in my life. I really had cut back already on my Facebook time, and was thinking about doing away with it all together. I didn't, but I DID decide to completely let blogging go. It wasn't immediate and it wasn't necessarily easy, but I did give it up. I realized that I was spending too much of my time being preoccupied with what people I didn't know were doing. I was more worried about what they were buying/wearing/crafting than I should have been and after weighing the Facebook vs. Blogging options, I chose the latter. I am, as I have said, not a bit upset with my decision. However, if you have felt slighted because I haven't commented on your blog in about four or five months, then I'm sorry, and that's why. I haven't read any blogs, I haven't commented, I haven't followed. It has been a big relief. And while I'm being honest, I'm very, very glad I didn't shut down my Facebook, but we'll get to why in a little bit. But, if I say I'm glad I stepped away, I'm glad because of what I was able to do, what I was able to focus on and what I subsequently accomplished:

I'm damn proud of that. 

I feel like I've undergone a tremendous change this semester. Now that the semester is over, I feel like I can say that with some confidence. I gained an idol this semester. I haven't ever really said someone was my "idol," because I feel like that's a pretty heavy thing, that term has weight to it for me. I'm not going to call a random actress who dresses well my idol. But now, I have one, someone who has changed who I am as a writer and person in the process. He's amazing. He's one of my professors and because of my interaction with him, I'm planning on applying for graduate school next summer. I mean, come on. This from the girl whose attitude was "just get it done." Now, I want to keep learning, I want him to keep teaching me. He's just the most intelligent person I've ever encountered. The big thing he taught me this semester was about self censorship. He was lecturing on the great creative  non-fiction writers and how they're controversial (see: Thoreau) and say things people don't like to hear. He suggested the reason that so many people are decent writers but not great (if there is natural talent, of course) ones stems from the fact that they're too busy censoring themselves. From that, we discussed how letting that censorship we force on ourselves out of the niceties of society go completely, to free ourselves from the chains we've wrapped around our legs, will allow us to grow as writers. And I've attempted to do just that this semester. My writing has improved. It has changed and grown and become something I didn't really think I was capable of. I cannot begin to say that I've completely let go of my censorship, but I'm trying really hard to continue moving along the path he has set for me, the one I've begun to create for myself, and I'm feeling wonderful about that. It also means that I enjoy my opinion a lot more, which means a lot of people feel the opposite. It is what it is. That is what gives me my identity, that is what allows my writing to move people. And I mean that in the rhetorical sense.

Secondly (thirdly?). This is something completely humbling to me. I began praying about a month or so ago for a friend. Doesn't that sound completely pathetic? I started praying for a particular kind of friend. A very specific kind. I began praying for someone who understood me, who was completely my own and someone who could relate to me a little better. I was feeling alone. My best friends don't live in the Houston area and when I wanted a hug from someone like that, they weren't there. Through no fault of their own, let me say. So I prayed and prayed. I didn't really get a response, so I thought. I was disappointed and frustrated so the night before my final exam, I think I'd finally given up. My prayer was something along the lines of "Alright, I get it. That person's not supposed to be in my life. I'll work on accepting that and stop trying so hard." The next day, I didn't feel better, but resigned. Satisfied, almost. I was in a hotel that day, so after my final, I got breakfast and headed back to my hotel room. I moved slowly but still, they wanted my room back before I was ready (due) to check out. So I cleared out about 11:30 and headed to Target to waste time. I wasted more than I had planned because I was planning on turning in my final paper to the aforementioned brilliant teacher at 12:30. I ran a little late. I had to park further away than I had planned. Things were NOT going my way. I slipped into the classroom with my work (and a thank-you bundt cake!) at around 1. I chatted with the big H-i-m for a little bit and then bade him a happy year off and headed back to my car. As I turned the corner onto University, I ran into a friend. My first friend I made at A&M, when we were both fresh out of high school Aerospace Engineering majors (Yes, I did that for a reason: read, we're both smart). We talked for an hour and a half. Like we hadn't missed a beat (which we certainly had). It was perfect. I had to go up to College Station for a meeting on Thursday last and he met me for lunch and we spent four hours just laughing. It wasn't until a little later that I realized. THERE was the answer to my prayer. I had been expecting a girl, a fellow mom maybe, but someone a little more what I had been used to. Instead, I got just what I had asked for and just what I needed. My friend is someone who understands what it's like to be 26/7 in a classroom full of people born in the 90's, he's someone who understands things like that- things that literally nobody else I know really understands. I'm so relieved and so happy that we've reconnected and that we have such a genuine friendship. I also appreciate that I don't have to watch my Big XII talk, my language or my snark around him. That's nice too. It's helped that I didn't shut down my Facebook, because we've both been aware of what's been going on with the other all along. Oh, the way things work out. The serendipity of it all. I think it's all together, rather poetic and beautiful. Of course, things aren't perfect because his new job (he graduated!) is in Dallas, but I know we'll see each other and talk in between times. I know that with certainty and it's really been nice. It's also not a friendship I expect most people to really understand or relate to: I've always gotten along better with boys than girls, but I also don't feel the need to justify or explain myself. Which just makes it a lot better. Also? I know my spouse would like him a lot, which just makes it even better. Thank God for supportive husbands and old friends.

Things are remarkable right now. I'm really happy, I'm very content and feeling fulfilled by what I've accomplished this semester. I'm looking forward to school starting back for me on the 29th. I've been bored since the semester ended, I don't really know what to do with myself when I'm not working. I've also got my symposium on the horizon and a 3rd birthday party to plan. I also plan on wiggling in a getaway for myself to Dallas to see some of my most beloved friends before the fall semester starts at the end of August, as well as a trip to see family and introduce Liam to his only remaining "set" of Great Grandparents. What more do you need? I'm thrilled, excited, in a really, really good place. 2012 is definitely turning into the year for me. I can only hope it keeps up this pace, I'm absolutely high on life right now!