college football: a season of hating thy neighbor('s school).

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Can you smell it?? 

FOOTBALL SEASON.

There's nothing like College Football, and surely, nobody does it better than the people below the Mason-Dixon Line. 

We do it right down here.

We're extremely passionate about our schools, about our rivalries, about our teams and about our coaches. But one thing that can get a little hairy around this time of year ARE the rivalries that abound in college football. 

I'm no great success at keeping my feelings on the subject under wraps. However, I'd like, if I may, to explain in part how I feel like this season works. 

To begin with, let me say:

I am an Aggie. 

I'm pretty sure if I'd have said this six months ago, some of my readers would have been familiar with our school, but after all the media coverage that's gone on lately, I'm pretty sure you'd have to be living under a rock not to know at least a little bit about us. Moving on. Not tooting a horn.

I love my school. I bleed Maroon. I know all the songs. I know all the yells. I get fired up when I see five boys in all white. I swoon when I see a collie. I scrutinize people's big gold rings on their right hand when in public. I think a band should do a four-way. I think your president should either wear a bow tie or be the Secretary of Defense. I think A-WHOOP!! is the sweetest sound you can hear. I cry a little bit when my son does the gig 'em. I love military marches. I think the WWII era army uniform is just awesome. I think you should mug down, hump it and pass it back. 

Y'all, I love my school. And my love for my school comes with a hatred for others. Namely for the University of Texas, which we refer to as t.u. and the longhorns, who we refer to as t-sips. I cannot even explain it, but those names (I will explain them, if you'd like, just on a more personal basis) are just a part of my vocabulary. I think them, I say them and I write them without thinking twice. I have a large number of longhorn friends and it has taken a lot of work and effort to remember not to use such terms around them. Because that would be mean. 

And. 

Because I don't hate YOU, I hate your school.

I know that it's hard to differentiate the two, but I'm pretty sure my longhorn/red raider/bear friends are nodding along. Yes, we hate your school, but that doesn't mean we hate you. One of my favorite people on the planet is a longhorn. She's one of the smartest, savviest, sweetest, most amazing girls you could ever hope to meet and I'm blessed to know her daily. She's going to make a big difference in children's lives, be a blessing to all she touches and I would trust her with anything. But, and I've been a little reserved in my praise of her, loving her as much as I do does not diminish my hatred for the school she attended. But, inversely, my hatred for her school does not hinder me in loving her. It's a part of her, like being an Aggie is a part of me, but she's my friend first. 

It's kind of special like that. 

However, make no mistake, this rivalry is anything but friendly. And to insist that any rivalry is "all in good fun," or "just a laugh" is completely asinine. Things are only "all in good fun" on ONE side of any rivalry: the winning side. Shit is SERIOUS to the loser. There is no hugging and smiling after a loss to t.u. It ruins our weekend. It ruins our entire Thanksgiving holiday. It is NOT all in good fun to a loser. And neither is it that meaningless to the winner. You get to lord that win over your friends and family from the opposition for the next year. Your statement "Oh, I'm sorry, who won last Thanksgiving?" is a trump card you gladly throw down during any argument. I know you all know what I mean. No wolverine is okay with a loss to the buckeyes. No gator shrugs off a loss to the seminoles like it's nothing. It's a rivalry. Embrace it. Love it. It's actually a big part of what makes football so darn much fun.

Beyond hating our big conference rival, I personally have mixed feelings about many other schools. I truly feel nothing but pure apathy when it comes to our rivalry-- our "rivalry" -- with Texas Tech. I know and love so many people who went there, and my favorite cousin is currently there and is doing well, being a great success and growing in wonderful ways. I'm so proud of him, I can hardly stand it. So when it comes down to it, I'd really like to NEVER lose to the Red Raiders, but I certainly don't care beyond that. Sorry, guys. Also, OU, Mizzou, K State, Iowa State, Baylor... whatever. I really don't care about you. Of course, I want the conference wins, but I bear you no ill will. Oklahoma State... eeeeeeh, we'll talk about that. 

In addition to t.u., I hate only a few other schools.

OSU: oh okie light, if it weren't for T. Boone Pickens, you'd be on that "who gives?" list above.

Auburn: LOATHE. I won't explain but if/when things happen, I don't care if all our other conference games are losses, as long as we win against them. 

Boise State: oh my GOD with your stupid blue field and your stupid blue uniforms and your stupid inflated sense of self.

Kansas: I hate the Jayhawks and their hammer pants. Ask me sometime. I'll tell ya. 

And while I hate some schools that seem to make no sense, I also have some that I love and root for, excepting for when they're playing us. These schools in particular? 

Purdue. 

Florida State (solely because of my sweet friend Betsy)

SMU (solely because of my sweet friend MM)

Funnily enough, we met the Seminoles a fair bit in past months and other sports, and our opening game this Sunday? Oh yeah, against SMU. But the nice thing about these teams, these girls and these games? If we were to lose, I could still greet both my friends with a smile and a hug after the game and bear them no grudge. 

And I'm totally not saying I wouldn't be able to do the same for MY longhorn friends. I'm just saying it might not be as sincere. And I say that with a wink and a nudge. Because when it comes down to it, I know they're feeling the same way. 

But that doesn't mean that they have to lessen their hatred of us, or I have to lessen my hatred of them. 

But we need to remember:

I don't hate you at all, I hate your school. 

Now. Just because we're rivals? Doesn't mean we can't have some fun. I mean, come on, Aggie jokes are a way of life in Texas, apparently. And so are longhorn jokes, to a lesser degree. However, I will say this:

There is one joke I cannot abide. 

Can. NOT. if you want to make these jokes, do it where I cannot see/hear/read it. It is quite unforgivable in my mind and it's this:

Aggies. Are. NOT. STUPID.

I don't know where this came from, or why it persists. We are no where NEAR the dumbest school in the Big XII. No, and far, far from it. We're nipping at the heels of the t-sips in this regard. A degree from our university means something, it's a battle hard fought and patiently won. It's as hard to get into A&M as it is to get into t.u.- we are not the back-up school. At all. And to make jokes where you insult the intelligence of any Aggie simply because they ARE an Aggie is ignorant. Because you are insulting MY intelligence. And my husband's intelligence. And the intelligence of my genius friend Trevor who WILL win a Nobel Prize if he doesn't blow himself up in a chemistry lab first. And the intelligence of my husband's uncle who teaches in the department of Industrial Distribution. To generalize about our intelligence is just not fair. 

So make your jokes about how we're all hicks who ride cows to school and f*ck sheep. Make your jokes about our Corps of Cadets and our band. Make your jokes about being a former military school with male cheerleaders. Make your jokes about the crazy conservative school who makes the people at West Point look like hippies in a commune. We know, those jokes can be funny. 

But the other?

Y'all, I'm a sensitive soul. I get my feelings hurt with relative ease. I had grown a massively thick skin when I was living in Australia, but it's since thinned out as I've not had to use it as often since returning to the US. Please, don't insult my intelligence. 

And don't even think about approaching me with jokes or insults to fling if you aren't ready for me to come right back on it. 

All that aside. I know most, rather some, of us are thrilled to see the pigskin make it's big debut this weekend. As your teams go forth onto the turf, remember what I said:

it's not about YOU, it's all about your school.

Happy football season friends!