Find me writing...

It's been a long time!

I've started writing in another place, which you can find here:

When Stefanie Writes...

I hope you'll all make your way over there. 

I have gotten far too much spam at this blog over the last few months, and I feel like it might be just about time to let this family blog go. I don't have time for crafts and blogging to that extent anymore, and instead of trying to completely do away with my writing forum, I've decided to make some changes. Content changes, style changes... things that make sense for me now. So. 

Yeah. I hope you enjoy my inaugural post that's up today. 

the thing about now.

Um, I've been away from Blogger (as long as I previously guessed!) so long that the format has changed and left me completely bewildered. Please excuse me while I attempt to blog while simultaneously trying to figure my way around the new layout.

SO.

It has been two months or so, and I'm not sad about that. If you're here hoping for pictures, ah, you may be a bit disappointed! At the beginning of the year, I decided before school started to step away from some of the social media in my life. I really had cut back already on my Facebook time, and was thinking about doing away with it all together. I didn't, but I DID decide to completely let blogging go. It wasn't immediate and it wasn't necessarily easy, but I did give it up. I realized that I was spending too much of my time being preoccupied with what people I didn't know were doing. I was more worried about what they were buying/wearing/crafting than I should have been and after weighing the Facebook vs. Blogging options, I chose the latter. I am, as I have said, not a bit upset with my decision. However, if you have felt slighted because I haven't commented on your blog in about four or five months, then I'm sorry, and that's why. I haven't read any blogs, I haven't commented, I haven't followed. It has been a big relief. And while I'm being honest, I'm very, very glad I didn't shut down my Facebook, but we'll get to why in a little bit. But, if I say I'm glad I stepped away, I'm glad because of what I was able to do, what I was able to focus on and what I subsequently accomplished:

I'm damn proud of that. 

I feel like I've undergone a tremendous change this semester. Now that the semester is over, I feel like I can say that with some confidence. I gained an idol this semester. I haven't ever really said someone was my "idol," because I feel like that's a pretty heavy thing, that term has weight to it for me. I'm not going to call a random actress who dresses well my idol. But now, I have one, someone who has changed who I am as a writer and person in the process. He's amazing. He's one of my professors and because of my interaction with him, I'm planning on applying for graduate school next summer. I mean, come on. This from the girl whose attitude was "just get it done." Now, I want to keep learning, I want him to keep teaching me. He's just the most intelligent person I've ever encountered. The big thing he taught me this semester was about self censorship. He was lecturing on the great creative  non-fiction writers and how they're controversial (see: Thoreau) and say things people don't like to hear. He suggested the reason that so many people are decent writers but not great (if there is natural talent, of course) ones stems from the fact that they're too busy censoring themselves. From that, we discussed how letting that censorship we force on ourselves out of the niceties of society go completely, to free ourselves from the chains we've wrapped around our legs, will allow us to grow as writers. And I've attempted to do just that this semester. My writing has improved. It has changed and grown and become something I didn't really think I was capable of. I cannot begin to say that I've completely let go of my censorship, but I'm trying really hard to continue moving along the path he has set for me, the one I've begun to create for myself, and I'm feeling wonderful about that. It also means that I enjoy my opinion a lot more, which means a lot of people feel the opposite. It is what it is. That is what gives me my identity, that is what allows my writing to move people. And I mean that in the rhetorical sense.

Secondly (thirdly?). This is something completely humbling to me. I began praying about a month or so ago for a friend. Doesn't that sound completely pathetic? I started praying for a particular kind of friend. A very specific kind. I began praying for someone who understood me, who was completely my own and someone who could relate to me a little better. I was feeling alone. My best friends don't live in the Houston area and when I wanted a hug from someone like that, they weren't there. Through no fault of their own, let me say. So I prayed and prayed. I didn't really get a response, so I thought. I was disappointed and frustrated so the night before my final exam, I think I'd finally given up. My prayer was something along the lines of "Alright, I get it. That person's not supposed to be in my life. I'll work on accepting that and stop trying so hard." The next day, I didn't feel better, but resigned. Satisfied, almost. I was in a hotel that day, so after my final, I got breakfast and headed back to my hotel room. I moved slowly but still, they wanted my room back before I was ready (due) to check out. So I cleared out about 11:30 and headed to Target to waste time. I wasted more than I had planned because I was planning on turning in my final paper to the aforementioned brilliant teacher at 12:30. I ran a little late. I had to park further away than I had planned. Things were NOT going my way. I slipped into the classroom with my work (and a thank-you bundt cake!) at around 1. I chatted with the big H-i-m for a little bit and then bade him a happy year off and headed back to my car. As I turned the corner onto University, I ran into a friend. My first friend I made at A&M, when we were both fresh out of high school Aerospace Engineering majors (Yes, I did that for a reason: read, we're both smart). We talked for an hour and a half. Like we hadn't missed a beat (which we certainly had). It was perfect. I had to go up to College Station for a meeting on Thursday last and he met me for lunch and we spent four hours just laughing. It wasn't until a little later that I realized. THERE was the answer to my prayer. I had been expecting a girl, a fellow mom maybe, but someone a little more what I had been used to. Instead, I got just what I had asked for and just what I needed. My friend is someone who understands what it's like to be 26/7 in a classroom full of people born in the 90's, he's someone who understands things like that- things that literally nobody else I know really understands. I'm so relieved and so happy that we've reconnected and that we have such a genuine friendship. I also appreciate that I don't have to watch my Big XII talk, my language or my snark around him. That's nice too. It's helped that I didn't shut down my Facebook, because we've both been aware of what's been going on with the other all along. Oh, the way things work out. The serendipity of it all. I think it's all together, rather poetic and beautiful. Of course, things aren't perfect because his new job (he graduated!) is in Dallas, but I know we'll see each other and talk in between times. I know that with certainty and it's really been nice. It's also not a friendship I expect most people to really understand or relate to: I've always gotten along better with boys than girls, but I also don't feel the need to justify or explain myself. Which just makes it a lot better. Also? I know my spouse would like him a lot, which just makes it even better. Thank God for supportive husbands and old friends.

Things are remarkable right now. I'm really happy, I'm very content and feeling fulfilled by what I've accomplished this semester. I'm looking forward to school starting back for me on the 29th. I've been bored since the semester ended, I don't really know what to do with myself when I'm not working. I've also got my symposium on the horizon and a 3rd birthday party to plan. I also plan on wiggling in a getaway for myself to Dallas to see some of my most beloved friends before the fall semester starts at the end of August, as well as a trip to see family and introduce Liam to his only remaining "set" of Great Grandparents. What more do you need? I'm thrilled, excited, in a really, really good place. 2012 is definitely turning into the year for me. I can only hope it keeps up this pace, I'm absolutely high on life right now!

checking in.

Well, my hiatus from blogging lasted a lot longer than I had initially thought.

There have been big, big, BIG changes for our family since I last sat at my computer to share anything with you all. Quickly, here are a few things that have kept us on our toes:

• Z changed jobs at Christmastime! 
• I started school!
• L has transitioned from mommy 24/7 to his grandmothers twice a week. 
• Stig is over 6 months old and about 65 pounds if I'd wager a guess.
• We've all battled a sickness I brought home.
• My dad's been away multiple times for many weeks on end. 
• My FIL suffered a new injury and is still undergoing chemotherapy.
• Z joined handbells at Church & started Bible study
• LENT: we've given up ALL fast-food and started exercising daily.

In addition, there have been a multitude of other "that's just life" occurrences that have kept us occupied over the last three months.

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In all honesty, I am not sure I will ever enter back into blogging the way I had before. I really did enjoy my time away, and I liked not having to worry about taking pictures of things because I had to blog them. Lightening up in that way has really allowed me to enjoy myself, put myself in the moment, and let things happen without my being so worried about posing and capturing this and that. Having said that, I never upload the pictures from my camera to my computer anymore, and I still haven't loaded all the Christmas ones. I might not have even picked up my camera in over two and a half months.

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As far as everything else goes?

Yes, Z is very happy in his new job. He is working with three other veterinarians at a high volume clinic that keeps him busy. His boss is an absolute dream and I have threatened on more than one occasion to kiss her on the mouth when we meet for the first time. Z misses some of his friends from the old clinic, but this move has really been for the best. He is a dedicated, enthusiastic practitioner and I'm happy to see him in a clinic where he feels that he is being put to the best use. We're all thankful for his new job and his great reputation in the vet community that allowed the move to be quick and easy. 

L has transitioned well into his new day-care style routine. He stays with my mom on Tuesdays and my MIL on Thursdays. We are a very blessed family in that we all truly love one another. I share news with my in-laws as quickly as I share it with my parents and I cannot even begin to gush enough about what a great treat it is to have all four of our parents so involved in our son's life. He loves, loves his grandparents and even is building a relationship with Z's grandmother that makes me so happy. Grandmother Dorothy is the sweetest woman on the planet and she truly adores her great-grandsons. We're glad L is able to have a relationship with her. 

-- as far as changes in my toddler: we're about to start potty training. I believe his involvement at school has been instrumental as he is now much more conscious of the "pee-pee potty" concept. He also is becoming more adept with the English language, we've found he doesn't really attempt words unless he can pronounce them adequately and enjoys putting sentences together. He is constantly asking to go to "Nanny and Papa's house" and he tells us with almost a timed precision that he "loves choo-choo trains." We're all very proud of him, he's showing great signs and his great-grandmother on my side and his grandmother, both highly educated educators (yes, dissect that sentence), are very impressed by his ability to recite the alphabet without having to sing it. I don't really know what this indicates, but I'm proud of the little guy. 

Now. To be utterly selfish, onto myself! I had major reservations about going back to college. I wasn't very excited when the start date drew near, but after two weeks I was completely enamored. I'm currently "on" Spring Break and even confessed to my mother yesterday that I really would rather go to class next week than take the time off. I hope it doesn't come across as haughty when I say I'm succeeding beyond my wildest expectations and am so extraordinarily happy with the feedback I'm getting. The former department head, a very renowned rhetorician, my current Rhetorical Theory professor, has completely changed the way I think and look at things when I'm writing and I can feel myself growing as a writer. My Caribbean Literature Senior Seminar professor, a founding co-editor of a renowned Caribbean literature publication, has encouraged me to look into Graduate studies and has invited me to take part in a Caribbean Literature Symposium this summer. This is a tremendous honor for an undergraduate student and I am thrilled to be a part of it. I am also taking Arthurian Literature and my professor in there is so intelligent, so learned in her field that it's almost scary. I have learned more in this semester than I feel I ever have before. 

In addition to learning about "Book A" and "Journal Article 3894," I have learned so much about myself these past few months. My Caribbean class in particular is very involved with understanding self-acceptance, self validation, interior versus exterior affirmation and the importance of self versus community and discussing these topics, dissecting them, has allowed me to really scrutinize myself. When I said in December I wasn't happy with my blog, I think the larger issue at hand was I wasn't happy within my own skin. I've made some pretty drastic changes, removed some lamentable entities from my life and am coming down much happier in the end. Knowing that I have the respect of my professors and my peers has really made me understand what I want to work for and where I need to be to be happy. Having said that, I'm very lucky to have a handful of very good, understating and patient friends who have been tremendously supportive and have celebrated my successes with me these past few months, making me feel like my decisions I've made recently have been absolutely on point. It's nice to know that whatever casualties there are in my personal life along the way, I have the support of my family and a few very precious friends who will still be there when I'm where I want to be.

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Well, that is really all I want to say for now. I find that I don't enjoy sitting down to write about "us" and "me" very much. This used to be my one space where I was sharing my writing publicly, but now that I have professors reading my work multiple times a week, I find that to be enough to satiate my need to have my writing "out there." As a matter of fact, while my toddler is occupied with my iPhone, I think I'll indulge a little and work on a couple of papers and reading assignments I have over break. I don't know what has changed for me, maybe it's maturity, maybe it's a drive to set an example for my son that I can be proud of, but I'm definitely a much better student now than I was before. I WANT to read, I WANT to do my work and I want to be in class every single day. It's really remarkable. And to be frank? I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of L and I'm proud of Z. 2012 has turned out to be the year that our family betters itself and I'm really looking forward to what the rest of the year has to offer. 

I'll check back in... but I can't promise it'll be before school lets out in May. Priorities and all that. Maybe next time, I'll even post pictures! If you're interested in the meantime, I do tweet with disgusting regularity. I even post pictures so you can see just how much my toddler has changed, or catch a glimpse of my new life as old-lady college student. You can find me HERE. 

for us.

So.

I've been unhappy with my blog for a while.

I tried to instigate some changes back at the beginning of the summer to garner more interest in my webpage, and to keep myself interested in blogging. BUT.

BIG BUT.

I don't care. I mean, I don't want to do features. I really don't. So you can all pretty much assume that Pinnable Me is gone unless I bring it back on occasion to share things I'm working on. I don't want to be a blog that has no identity. I started this blog to keep my family updated on our family and that's the long and short of it. I don't want to blog about shit other people are finding on the internet, or about how mean people are to other people, or things I think you should be doing. I want to post about my family.

And I didn't realize how little I'd posted about my family until I came across the 3 Peanuts blog. I am completely in love with this blog. The mom, Kim, is just simply an amazing mother. She doesn't post about what SHE does to make everything so wonderful FOR her children, she posts about how amazing her children are. And you can tell, her children are wonderful, amazing, giving, loving people because of who she and her husband are and how they're being raised. THIS is the standard I want to live up to. This is a beautiful blog, full of memories and beautiful pictures, a family that shares love and laughter and you can tell in every single thing she posts. Also, if ever there was a child that makes me want to adopt, it's their precious girl, Kate.


SO.

I'm taking some time off. I'm going to focus on what I want to focus on in the future. And if you want to unfollow, I'm fine with that. Because when I look back at my posts this summer, I'm disgusted. I don't want to post about that. I completely missed out on blogging about the things I did with my child this summer, the fun backyard things we did, the games we played. I was trying too hard to make people want to read my blog.  I don't want to be a turbo-mommy blogger. I'm not that person. I don't need to show you how hard I try, or how wonderful I am, because what will define me in the future is not ME, it's the impression I leave on my child, the people I love, my nearest and dearest friends.

And for right now, I'm really okay with this decision. Blogging has become something that I see as a task, not as enjoyable hobby. We've got an awful lot on our plates right now. And when I say an awful lot, I mean an AWFUL lot. Which, when the time comes, will all be talked about. But right now, I just want to step away and spend the rest of December not blogging. I hope to be back with a vengeance in January, revived, and with a whole new direction for myself and this blog.

Peace out, peeps. Enjoy the holidays. Love your family. Bid 2011 farewell in whatever manner it deserves.  Personally, I'm thinking a big double-bird in the rearview mirror. More than anything, I hope to see you in 2012.

my two toddlers

Okay, I hope you're ready for a cuteness overload. 

My son is in love. Deeply, completely in love. With our dog. His favorite word  is "buppy" and he cannot function in the morning unless he's located the baby. They're perfect little playmates, completely delighted with each other and I know this relationship is something that will define Liam's childhood. He will tell his children about Stig. And I'm so glad that we went ahead and got the baby, this is something that I am so glad to give Liam. There's not quite a relationship like the one you have with a dog you can't even remember not having. 

These pictures were taken a little while ago, Stig is MUCH larger now. And smart as a darned whip. 

So you see why I'm letting this blog fall by the wayside? I might miss one of their precious moments together.